Oppgaveskriving, påskeferie, MOMBASA og BESØK!

Vi har nå alle man tatt fatt på oppgaveskrivingen og håper å være ferdig i løpet av dagen. Jeg visste ikke hvor slitsomt det er å skrive en kritisk reflksjonsoppgave. Det føles som å dra meg selv ned i gjørma og gni ansiktet oppi faktumet at jeg ikke er ferdig utlært, at jeg er i en fremmed kultur, og kanskje egentli ikke har noe å bidra med i det hele tatt. Men, i morra er det FERIE! 

Alle våre medarbeidere på St. Johns skal på div turer med programmene, men vi har meldt oss ut fordi vi skal til Mombasa! å vi gleder oss sykt! det blir himmelsk med litt sol, strand og god ferie tilværelse. Å vi får besøk fra Norge! Vibeke ankommer i morra godt oppakket med sjokolade og div andre bestillinger + pakker hjemmefra... jeg gleder meg som en unge:)

Så imorra setter vi oss på det forhistoriske toget til kysten og planlegger å slakk'n på diani beachletts i en hytte rett på stranden... med garden view... Snakkes!

A moment before a new week...

And, sitting, thinking, wondering, thoughts kind of soaring around my head, some land, others just pass readily by. There’s so many things you can be afraid of, worried about. So many things you can dread, really NOT look forward to, want to avoid. But, then you know, you will just have to face them. They will come, sooner or later. Tomorrow morning, or a year from today. Sometimes I wish so badly that everything in life would just be comfortable, suited to my liking. That I wouldn’t have to be worried, knowing that I will have to face what I don’t want to. But, I know this will grow boring. I know that I wont be able to just sit and gloat over my blessings and my life. I know I wont be content. It’s actually a blessing this yearn to reach for more, wanting to see more, experience and be challenged. I know I’m created with this wish to allways learn, strive for more. Being misplaced or defeated will only temporarily stop me, I know I’ll get up sooner or later... so, no need to halt, hold back when I’m not at all in a place of defeat. I don’t even have to fight, just stick it up, lift my shoulders, speack up, smile and thank God for the coming day and for the moment. Cause the trials I’m meeting aren’t at all bringing me down, just making me have to take an extra long breath, look over my shoulder, lift my head and remind myself again of everything I’m thankfull for. Think of scary things as exciting, akwardness as fun and not worth offering any more thoughts, feelings of not coping as good, cause than I know I have a lot to learn. I don’t have to prove anything, but having a willing spirit, a good attitude and an honest and open heart is enough. I know I can’t loose anything by being myself, I know I’m not defeated, cause the battle is one that can only be won, one way or the other. The battle is to live every moment in thankfulness, joy and worrielessnes, cause I know that I don’t have to carry anything alone. Coming to him everyday assures me that I’ve won, whatever defeat I may feel, whatever hopelessnes or embarressment, I will get through, and I know that it won’t matter in the long run. Cause living for him and not for myself means I don’t have anything to loose.

Kenyansk bryllup = dansing

Vi ble bedt i bryllupet til Benja og Sellina som jobber på St Johns. Festen ble holdt ute i forskjellige telt og ble en dag med god mat, masse dansing og masse sang:)

I midten står Sally som er sjef på St. Johns sammen med oss i finstasen og Jackie som jeg jobber sammen med på GBV kontoret.

todays news...

Roaming around town on a day of, I buy a paper, go to my favorite cafe and order a dobbel capuccion. Opening the paper and starting to read I just cant get the word Justice out of my head. The more I read and see how many cases of injustice that can fill one paper, the more I sit and wonder and just cant put words to what I’m feeling. Honestly, I can feel a slight fear wash over me. Reading about a man shot dead by the police yesterday right where I had taken the matatu, seeing the name of one of the villages we work in(and I was in yesterday) where two of the men involved where arrested I just find it hard to know how to react. This is a dangerous city.

Justice, I just cant get away from this word. Especially being here makes me want to explore it further. In a country like this and working as a social worker, injustice is daily in your face. What is real justice? Who decides? Why are so many people driven to injustice? Will humanity ever see justice for all the injustice that has been committed?

“As the ICC process begins, we urge all Kenyans to remain calm as we monitor the progress to ensure that justice is delivered both for the suspects and the victims” (The Standard) Todays paper is filled with articles on the six kenyans on pre-trial at the ICC in Hague. All Kenyans are talking about it and its all over the radios. Will this bring justice to the Kenyan people 4 years afte the post election violence?

The other thing I cant get out of my head is power and money. How power and money corrupts you from the inside out is so evident here. Its just so wrong, I cant even understand how somebody can believe its okay to use your position and exploit people so greatly. Some MPs here earn so much money and act like nothing can shake their power and like they deserve it. The other day the road leading out from a guesthouse we where at was blocked for 3 hours because Kibaki was going to pass. Nobody could get out or in. You where stuck because the President would possible pass within the next 3 hours, crazy. We ended up walking...

Power and money is dangerous, destructive and evil. Sooner or later it will destroy you and everybody around you... and your country. I dont think us humans are created to be able to handle to much of either of the two. And together, they are - a beast... an ugly one.

Growing up in Norway its hard for me to understand that somebody can have so much power and misuse it so fundamentally. I can walk around in Oslo and pass the prime minister strolling down the street. No road blocks, no security and no machine guns. What kind of power do the big guys have here? What do you control to have guards just a trigger away from shooting if they are the least suspicions of a civilian or if you decide to drive on a road to get home after waiting for 3 hours?

What is happening in the ICC now is exciting and makes me somewhat hopeful. If the Ocampo 6 are found guilty it wont make ammends for all the injustice that happened during the post election violence. They wheren't the only ones causing trouble. But, to me it shows that big guys with power and money cant just do whatever they want. I want to believe that the world maybe has some power over injustice, and seeing that people might have to stand trial at the ICC makes me believe that there is hope. Maybe the world can change. Maybe crimes against humanity wont go by unnoticed and unpaid for. Maybe 100 years from now people wont have to read about the things I had to read about in the paper today. Maybe there will come a day in Kenya where justice and democracy rules and you don't have to read about rape and shootings everyday in the paper. Maybe one day the police will be the most trustworthy of all Kenyans, and the President will walk on the street, just like everybody else... 

mistakes and challenges

Teaching in the high school here, I’ve meet som challenges. Trying to make the kids aware of gender inequalities isn’t all that easy. I’ve done several activities with them to make them aware of the assumptions we have about how men and women should behave, or what they should and should not do. The thought behind this is to try and discover some of the root causes to GBV. But, now I just feel confused, like all of this is just a maze of should and should not. And like I’m somehow trying to convince them of modern ”westernized” thoughts that men can cook and that they don’t have to be the only providers for the family. But, this is not what I want to do. I find that it’s so easy to have your own agenda, especially when I’m new in this area, it’s hard to let the class take an unexpected turn and actually let the kids decide what to talk about. Their attituted will never change if I try to force some set of ideas and morals on them. It has to come from them.

But, how do you reach in with thoughts and values of men respecting their wives and that loving them means letting them be them and accomplish other things than cooking and having babies. I’m a young white girl... what do I have to say in these matters. Right now I wish I was a teacher and had some faboulus speaking skills. I think it is hard to link all the topics together, to actually ask questions that really make them think, and not just blurt out with my opinion. 

How are these things actually connected then? Gender assumptions are being kept and made by the community which is many individuals. Taught to the kids, and brought further on. Believing that women should cook, be at home and so on is not wrong. What I think is wrong are when these thoughts maybe show an underlying theme that is that women are less worth, mens property, and somehow restricted. There aren’t any rules about where men can not go and what they can not do. When men become superior, it is easier for them to view women as property, as something they own and therfore can do whatever they want with. But, this does not show in all the opinions of the kids I teach. They wrote that men should not beat their wives, and they should not have more that one wife... this impressed me. But still I sense this matcho attitude... but its not like its only here. Men act the same way in Norway sometimes. Men are suppose to be men, isnt that what we like about them afterall? And interestingly, it was one of the groups with a lot of girls that wrote that men are the head of the family, that they should provide for the family and so on. They are the head, but are also suppose to love their wives. Here many girls believe that if your husband does not beat you he does not love you. This of coarse does not reflect everybodys oppinion, but has given me something to chew on. What about the love that uplifts and cherishes, that gives freedom; freedom to follow your dreams and be all that you can be. What about the love that is supporting and believing? This is what I would love to see these kids grasp. That the boys could love the girls with a sisterly love that wants the best for them and that shows that they are worth so so so much. That they should be protected, not because they are property, but because they are highly valued and loved.

So this is my challenge and what a would love to convey and se the kids grasp and agree. How, I have not yet figured out.

O, BLESSED BIRTHDAY!

Just to start with, this has been one of the best birthdays ever! I've celebrated my birthday in India, twice, and France, but nothing beats a good old surprise party in Nairobi. 

Dette var nesten det best med kvelden... en real bursdagssang fra de flotteste menneskene!

Jeg våknet opp til lukten av pannekaker stekende på kjøkkenet, og dette er ikke hvilke som helst pannekaker, men Siljes beste tjukke pannekaker som vi spiser minst to ganger i uka. Med litt maple sirup er dette ALT jeg kunne ønske meg til forkost! Videre får jeg pedikyr i gave, og blir sendt av sted for å nyte dette... å dette er det beste som kan skje føtter som trasker rundt i slummen dag ut og dag inn..:) Vi tar turen videre til et gammelt fint hotel i byen, og har akkurat råd til å drikke en kaffe hver... (jepp, så fint(DYRT) er det der...) men, verdt opplevelsen:)

På vei hjem funker så klar ikke heisen, så opp alle de 9 etasjene... pustende og pesende åpner jeg døra og ser bordet buggne av kaker, samosaer og chapatier... ballonger fyller stua vår... noe er på fære... jeg aner fred og ingen fare, og ut av soverommet komme det folk fra jobben og div andre vi har møtt her nede!! seriøst, jeg ble super OVERRASKA!!! viste ikke hva jeg skulle si ass! dette var en real moment of speachlessness! vi har aldri hatt disse menneskene hjemme hos oss, så det betydde så sykt mye for meg å se de her, plutselig! det ble en heidundranes kveld og jeg er EVIG takknemelig! wow, kanke si hvor heldig jeg er som har blitt kjent med disse mennskene og sist men ikke minst, kan oppleve dette med KRISTINA, SILJE og JULIE! dere er FANTASTISKE!!

Bochi, Benja, Luke og Tottie...

Joyce og Loise, noen fantastiske damer som vi jobber med.

Fine blomster på Norfolk (det kostet nesten penger å lukte på dem)

Tottie ville gjerne være servitør...

Jackie som jeg jobber med på GBV kontoret..

Jeg å Kristina som lusker rundt på Norfolk..

Is it possible to trade shoes?

Studying to be a social worker, you constantly hear about shoes. How is it to be in "their" shoes... "hvor er det skoen trykker"? what is really the problem? 

Walking around in the slum really challenges me and my shoes:) Would I be willing to trade shoes? Put on a pair of worn out car tire sandals that have seen to much of dusty muddy roads. I so badly want to say yes. Want to keep believing that I'm as open minded ans "conformable" as I've thought. But‚ I find myself trying to convince me of something I am not. I am not poor. I don't live in the slum. I have a nice apartment to go home to. I have a bed to sleep in. I have food on the table.I am educated. I come from one of the richest countries in the world. And Nairobi makes you so painfully aware of this. A city that is to dangerous to be able to live like you are anything else than rich and white. That's just how it is. It feels like a big dry potato that I have to swallow. I hate driving home from work, passing through town and somehow feeling like I'm driving into a different world. Sometimes I feel like I'm gonna choke on being the privileged one. 

Sometimes all I want is to sell everything I own, not eat and just see if I would manage on the "other side of town". But, being here in Nairobi, a city contrasted with banks and money, internationals and all the pleasures they indulge in, and on the other hand the poorest of the poor, I feel like the answer is to just swallow the potato. Some things you just cant change and you just have to deal with it. You have to be able to accept the differences and live with a foot in both worlds.

Teaching the children in school today about self-awareness, I find myself in the same position, pondering on my own teaching. They wrote down things they can change, and things they can not change about themselves. A part of making them realize who they are and that life contains permanent and non permanent issues. Being here is certainly making me self aware. Who I am, where I come from, and who I want to be. I just wish that we could all wear the same shoes. I know I cant trade mine, and I know I will never fully know how it is to wear theirs, but I hope that I wont ever take my comfortable adidas for granted, and I hope I will be willing to give them a way, anytime...